Perhaps a bubble bath, a massage, a meal out or a relaxing day at the spa. These things can be lovely treats, but when you're caring for a child with additional needs, finding the time or energy for them can feel almost impossible.

Self-care doesn't have to mean booking a day off or spending money on yourself. Sometimes, it's having five quiet minutes with a cup of tea, talking to a friend or getting outside for a little while.

For parents and carers, looking after yourself can be particularly difficult. Caring responsibilities can take up so much of your time and energy that your own needs end up at the bottom of the list. You might feel that you always need to be available, or feel guilty when you take a break.

But your wellbeing matters, too.

Why is self-care important for parents and carers?

Caring for someone else can be rewarding, but it can also be exhausting. There may be appointments to organise, paperwork to complete, decisions to make and days when things simply don't go to plan. You might spend so much time thinking about what your child needs that you hardly notice how you're feeling yourself.

Over time, this can leave you feeling drained, overwhelmed or as though you have very little left to give.

Imagine your energy and emotional capacity as a cup. Some days, your cup might feel nearly empty because you've had a difficult night, you're worried about something or you've been dealing with one challenge after another. On other days, it might feel as though your cup is overflowing with stress and things you still need to do.

Self-care is about finding small ways to make a little more room in that cup. It won't remove every worry or make caring responsibilities disappear, but it may help you feel better equipped to manage them.

Taking care of yourself isn't selfish, your needs deserve attention, even when someone else depends on you.

How can you make time for self-care?

It's easy to read advice about self-care and wonder when you're supposed to fit it in. If your days are already full, the idea of adding another task can feel like one more thing to worry about.

The good news is that self-care doesn't have to involve a big change, you start with whatever feels manageable in your circumstances.

1. Keep in touch with people you trust

Having someone to talk to can make a difficult day feel a little less heavy. This might be a friend, a family member, another parent or someone who understands what caring for a child with additional needs can involve.

You don't always need advice or solutions. Sometimes, it's enough to have a five-minute chat with someone who will listen without judging. If you can, let people know when you're finding things difficult, they may be able to offer practical help, give you a break or simply keep you company.

2. Find support from other parents and carers

It can be reassuring to meet people who understand some of the things you're going through. Other parents and carers may have faced similar challenges and can share their experiences, offer suggestions or help you feel less alone.

You could look for a local parent carer group, a community activity or an online support network. Charities and family support organisations, including Little Miracles, may also offer groups, activities and opportunities to connect with other families.

Have a look at our private FB groups where you'll find support not only from our team but from other parents and carers of children with additional needs, disabilities or life-limiting conditions.

We also host regular drop-in coffee mornings, come in for a chat or just to sit and listen to others in the same position as you. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone in what you're facing, is all the support you need. Find the next one here.

Choose what feels comfortable for you, if a group doesn't feel like the right fit, it's okay to try something else. 

3. Take a few minutes to pause

Mindfulness simply means paying attention to the present moment. You don't need to meditate for half an hour or follow a particular routine to give it a try.

You might take a short walk outside and notice the air on your face, sit quietly and listen to a favourite song, spend a few minutes in the garden or have a cuddle on the sofa.

Even stopping for a moment to take a few slow breaths can give you a little space in a busy day. There isn't one right way to do this, find something that feels calming or enjoyable for you, and don't worry if some days you don't manage to do anything other taking a few deep breaths.

4. Give yourself permission to rest

Many parents and carers feel guilty about taking time for themselves, especially when their child needs a lot of support. You might feel that you should always be doing something useful or that other people's needs must come first.

Rest is a normal part of being human! You don't have to earn it by finishing every task on your list.

If someone you trust can safely take over for a little while, consider accepting their help. If that's not possible, look for small opportunities to slow down when they arise, and if you need more support than the people around you can offer, it may be worth speaking to our family support service about what help is available.

5. Notice what you need

Self-care will look different from one person to another, and it may change from day to day. Sometimes you might need company; at other times, you might want some quiet. You may need practical help with everyday tasks rather than another activity to fit into your schedule.

Try asking yourself: What would make today a little easier?

The answer doesn't have to be anything complicated. It could be asking someone to help with an errand, making time for lunch or giving yourself permission to leave something until tomorrow.

What if self-care feels impossible?

There will be times when even small suggestions feel out of reach. You might be dealing with a particularly difficult period, struggling with sleep or finding it hard to get any time away from your caring responsibilities.

If that sounds familiar, try not to turn self-care into another thing you feel you're getting wrong. You don't need to follow a perfect routine, and you shouldn't have to manage everything on your own.

If you're feeling persistently overwhelmed, anxious or low, consider talking to someone you trust or seeking professional support. A family support organisation may also be able to help you explore what practical or emotional support is available. 

You deserve support in your own right, not only because of the care you provide to someone else.

Remember to look after yourself, too

When you're a parent or carer, it's easy to put your own needs aside. Finding time for yourself may not always be straightforward, and some days there may be very little room to spare.

But self-care doesn't have to mean doing more. It can be about noticing how you're feeling, accepting help when it's offered and making small pockets of time for yourself whenever you can.

You matter too, and you don't have to wait until you're completely exhausted before asking for support.

You don't have to do it all alone. Get in touch with our Family Support Team and let us be there for you when you need it most.